Have you ever wondered what to do and what to say when a guy ignores you after an argument? We discuss in this post how to navigate around the “cold shoulder” treament, especially after a fight!
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The Issue With Ignoring Each Other After an Argument
It is quite common to hear stories of boyfriends and husbands who just ignore their partners after a fight. To avoid further discussion and all the talk from the girlfriends and wives, they’d rather just keep quiet and let things simmer down until the issue is just forgotten and things go back to normal.
At first it might seem good that the guy ignores you after an argument–because it avoids further clashes and exchange of harsh words. We are all for minimizing destructive quarrels! However, this becomes an issue when it becomes an excuse to just sweep issues under the rug. Instead of getting to the root cause of problems and addressing them, they are taken lightly and ignored. Sadly, and more often that not, this just lets the issue reoccur.
Why Does a Guy Ignore You After an Argument?
There are various reasons behind a guy ignoring you after an argument. According to research, which is basically via observation and inquiry with my own husband (haha!), here are a few:
1. Some just surrender completely because women can tend to have a reaction to everything
When a guy ignores you after an argument, consider if it’s because he’s resorted to ‘giving up’. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not exactly ‘giving up’ on you and the relationship. It’s just that some women (like me!) tend to hijack conversations. We ask our partners to speak after a fight, but when they do, it’s as if we’re in a rap battle and have a rebuttal for everything they say.
2. Some find it hard to compose themselves and their thoughts because they don’t want to be misinterpreted
When a guy ignores you after an argument, consider if it’s because he is having difficulty expressing himself. Is it just during fights that he keeps quiet, or do you observe this pattern even with other discussions?
3. Some feel guilty, and don’t like admitting their mistakes
When a guy ignores you after an argument, it might be because of pride. Most guys (and girls!) don’t like acknowledging that they did something wrong. Instead of facing the issue with humility, we sometimes let our guilt push other people away and point the blame to others.
4. Some men just don’t care completely about resolving stuff with their partner
What to Do When a Guy Ignores You After an Argument
If the guy’s reason for ignoring you after an argument is #3 or #4, then that’s a relationship red flag and you may want to get into a serious discussion about it.
Howver, when a guy ignores you after an argument because of reasons #1 and #2, then they guy may just need a little help. Ultimately, you will need to work together to learn how to best express opinions and emotions with one another. Remember: YOUR ROLE IS IMPORTANT!
While you cannot control what he says (or does not say), you can control what YOU say.
He may not actually want to ignore you after an argument, but you need to know the right thing to say to him. As most people say (since it’s true anyway), COMMUNICATION IS KEY. After all, based on our experience, if you push for men to talk or pressure them or get them on a guilt-trip, they’ll usually pull away even more & take the silent treatment route.
What To Say When a Guy Ignores You After an Argument
These are times when a generic “What’s your problem?” question won’t help. Instead of asking that, you can ask the following specific questions instead to help start with resolving your conflict when a guy just ignores you after an argument:
1 – What do you feel right now?
Instead of the accusatory tone of the “What’s your problem?” question, this approach shows your boyfriend/husband that you care about what he feels and not who’s winning the argument.
2 – In our argument, what caused you to be hurt?
This line of questioning again shows that you are concerned that he is hurt and that you’d like to find out what caused it. This shows that you care about his welfare and not just yours.
3 – What did I do that you did not like?
This is one of the most important questions to ask because it shows that YOU ARE TAKING RESPONSIBILITY for your part of the fight. Some guys ignore their partners after an argument because they feel defeated and guilty. If we women own up to our own faults, then that would lessen the burden a bit on the men 🙂
And for the men out there, my husband appeals to all of you to please RESPOND 🙂 Please don’t be the guy who ignores their partner after an argument. Most women would prefer a response–which you can give in a calm and gentle manner. The truth is that this CAN be difficult. It CAN be hard to talk and face the situation you are in. But, if you want to rightfully address the issue and avoid your issues happening and happening again, then you need let the ladies in your life know what’s on your heart and mind.
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It depends on person. Sometimes, ignoring is the best course of action. If the discussion is going nowhere and you sense you cannot come to terms, then ignoring might be the best choice.
I really love this post. There are always two sides to every argument, but society tends to place all the blame on men.
I have had this happen so many times over the years. I never knew why it was happening though.
This is an eye opener. It is true that it can be hard to communicate with men, most especially when it comes to disagreements. The last guy that I have dated would keep space for a few days and will reach out to me like nothing happened.
Interesting read! It actually depends on the person… Although most of the men will usually ignore you, but some (like my husband) won’t leave me alone. Lol Communication is one of the key to a strong relationship.
Comunication is the key to a successful relationship. If everything goes under the rug it just builds up and never gets solved. Talk to you partner about the little things that bother you.
Resolving issues is so important. A person’s refusal to communicate openly — whether they’re a man or woman — is a big red flag and an indicator of how they view the relationship.
This has happened to me in the past. Fortunately, my husband is big on the resolving issues part of a relationship so there is no ignoring if there is a problem. This is something my son might need to read through. He might fall into this trip in his relationships!
I have to admit that I’m guilty of this but you are correct, we usually keep quiet to avoid further arguments.
In the end it’s all about communications and how we can express out feelings effectively, that’s wonderful in this you have also considered these and there were good advice.
You are totally right, communication is the key to any relationship. I will need to review my behavior to see if I am guilty of doing this.
Wow I resonated your post so much. I wish more people write & make others aware of it. Thanks for sharing
Communication is definitely key! This is super helpful!
This is great. I need to print this off and post it somewhere so I can look at it often, LOL! It’s great to read this and provide more insight on what to do and how to react.
While thankfully this does not occur in my relationship, I can well imagine how problematic this can be. I love the strategic options you have suggested here to help some men start to actually address the issue in a meaningful way. It’s a good way to get the discussion going again in a positive light and hopefully toward a fair outcome.
Girls do this a lot too. Personally though when I’m already on the ignoring part, it means I already gave up and just don’t want to continue arguing.
If someone ignores me, I would realise they aren’t my forever human and say bye bye. Especially if it was for days!
The line that both me and my husband often say after an argument is “What did I do that you did not like?” or “Did I do something that offended you?” Those lines really open up a conversation and make us realize our mistakes.
Men don’t usually talk, my husband ignores me for days after an argument LOL. In marriage I learned to adjust and improve my communication – it’s a give and take relationship anyway
Men don’t usually talk, my husband ignores me for days after an argument LOL. In marriage I learned to adjust and improve my communication – it’s a give and take relationship anyway
I think it also boils down with the personality of your partner. It should also be a give and take relationship. Also, try to be sweet after the fight.
I have to admit that I’m not a guy but sometimes I’m guilty of these myself. I think for me it’s just because time is so precious so I just don’t want to dwell on things so I just want to move on. I don’t think of it as ignoring someone but maybe it would be taken that way.
This was a great post and I can relate. I find that one’s upbringing has a lot to deal with how they communicate. Humans….we are so complicated. Great article!
When people are pushed to do things, including having conversations, that they are not ready to do, the result is never good. When the situation is more calm, in addition to chatting about the subject of the argument it is also important to discuss how to handle situations in the future.
If you can throw them for a loop and be atypical it can help them to open up. Once they do a stronger foundation can be built. I think the same is true of the reverse if it’s the woman giving the cold shoulder.
Communication is absolutely the key, and with your questions to ask, the door for him to be more communicative in a safe way has been opened. That is important. Blessings
I just ignore back lol may use some of your tips next time though, thanks for sharing.
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