Can the way that I express love and the way I want to receive love be different? Let’s talk about love languages, giving vs receiving style!
Most people and blogs just talk about each person having ONE language that is both our way to give and receive love. Some say that you have a primary language and a secondary one. What we have learned from our experience though is that there are TWO SIDES to love languages. That is, it does NOT necessarily mean that the way you express love is the way you’d like to enjoy it.
Table of Contents
Two Sides of Love Languages: Giving vs Receiving
There are two sides of love languages:
- Giving Love Language
- Receiving Love Language
“GIVING” LOVE LANGUAGE or “EXPRESSED” LOVE LANGUAGE
The giving love language speaks of the love language that you use when you are expressing your love. We don’t have any science to back this up, but from our personal experience, how we GIVE love has been defined by how we RECEIVED love during our childhood. Our guess is that it’s because our home is where we first learn what love “looks like”. Thus, if my mom or my dad does this, then this must be the way to show love.
My late dad loved showering me with gifts when I was young, and always picked me up from school to take me to a neighborhood food joint or the mall for some bonding time afterwards. He also showered me with hugs and always made me tag along with his escapades with friends. I carried this with me as I grew up, and I often express love in terms of GIVING GIFTS, QUALITY TIME & PHYSICAL TOUCH (in that order).
My husband Natz on the other hand expresses love through PHYSICAL TOUCH because his late mom was always physically affectionate with him as a child, and through ACTS OF SERVICE because his late dad served their family frequently through cooking meals for them.
“RECEIVING” LOVE LANGUAGE or “EXPERIENCED” LOVE LANGUAGE
The receiving love language speaks of the love language that you prefer to receive, or the way that you best experience love.
I like receiving QUALITY TIME, which is one of my giving love languages–but gifts do not really do much for me. Natz ‘speaks’ acts of service, but he doesn’t really like being helped. He’d rather receive PHYSICAL TOUCH or WORDS OF AFFIRMATION.
When we think about love languages & when you take online tests, this is usually what you gauge. It’s just pretty important to note that like us, it may not always be the same language that you ‘speak’. Consider that there are two sides to love languages – giving vs receiving!
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Interesting read. This made me think about our love languages. I express love by giving gifts while my husband is more vocal and frequently affirms his love to me. I want to receive love through acts of service. A day when I don’t have to cook or clean would be a good day!
This was such a great read. It’s so important to understand our love language and the love language of our partner, as well.
I really enjoyed reading this one. People say they love each other in different ways. Understand the ways we tell each other that we love one another is key to understanding our partner’s motivations.
Very good post. My husband and I had to talk about this before we got married in our premarital counseling sessions. It is important to talk about and understand for the success of your relationship.
Interesting read. It made me think how I behave and I realized I there are two love languages as you said. Each has his own way of expressing things.
Knowing your love language gives you the communication to explain what’s most important to meet your emotional needs and also the insight to figure out what’s important to your partner so you can best meet their emotional needs. The love languages can be a more effective framework than other approaches to helping couples communicate, but research conducted in 2017 suggests that the five love languages only work when “both spouses exhibit appropriate self-regulatory behaviors.” In other words, the love language.
Yes, people show affection in different ways and a common mistake is thinking that the way we do things, and what makes us happy, is what will make EVERYONE happy. This is false not only in love, but in most everything else as well.
I think a good relationship should be both receiving and giving at the same time. Both partners should take turns. They should reciprocate with each other, not a one way street!
I never categorized love languages in such a way. What most people know is the giving side but it makes sense to also discover how you want to receive love. That way, we become more appreciative of the gestures that are given to us.
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