Can the way that I express love and the way I want to receive love be different? Let’s talk about love languages, giving vs receiving style!
Most people and blogs just talk about each person having ONE language that is both our way to give and receive love. Some say that you have a primary language and a secondary one. What we have learned from our experience though is that there are TWO SIDES to love languages. That is, it does NOT necessarily mean that the way you express love is the way you’d like to enjoy it.
Two Sides of Love Languages: Giving vs Receiving
There are two sides of love languages:
- Giving Love Language
- Receiving Love Language
“GIVING” LOVE LANGUAGE or “EXPRESSED” LOVE LANGUAGE
The giving love language speaks of the love language that you use when you are expressing your love. We don’t have any science to back this up, but from our personal experience, how we GIVE love has been defined by how we RECEIVED love during our childhood. Our guess is that it’s because our home is where we first learn what love “looks like”. Thus, if my mom or my dad does this, then this must be the way to show love.
My late dad loved showering me with gifts when I was young, and always picked me up from school to take me to a neighborhood food joint or the mall for some bonding time afterwards. He also showered me with hugs and always made me tag along with his escapades with friends. I carried this with me as I grew up, and I often express love in terms of GIVING GIFTS, QUALITY TIME & PHYSICAL TOUCH (in that order).
My husband Natz on the other hand expresses love through PHYSICAL TOUCH because his late mom was always physically affectionate with him as a child, and through ACTS OF SERVICE because his late dad served their family frequently through cooking meals for them.
“RECEIVING” LOVE LANGUAGE or “EXPERIENCED” LOVE LANGUAGE
The receiving love language speaks of the love language that you prefer to receive, or the way that you best experience love.
I like receiving QUALITY TIME, which is one of my giving love languages–but gifts do not really do much for me. Natz ‘speaks’ acts of service, but he doesn’t really like being helped. He’d rather receive PHYSICAL TOUCH or WORDS OF AFFIRMATION.
When we think about love languages & when you take online tests, this is usually what you gauge. It’s just pretty important to note that like us, it may not always be the same language that you ‘speak’. Consider that there are two sides to love languages – giving vs receiving!
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